You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens
Louise L Hay
I have always had a feeling of inadequacy. As if whatever I did was never enough. I grew up with adults who were difficult to please. Also these people constantly made me feel I can never be good at anything or ever look good enough. Body shaming also greatly contriuted to my feeling of not beeing good enough. That probably has a great bearing on my personality. I kept pushing myself to keep feeling it’s not enough. There is too much of self doubt at times that it reaches to a point of self sabotage. “Am I an imposter?” “What if I am exposed and not really as great as people think I am?” As a result I ended up becoming a perfectionist. I have this deep seated belief that everythinng I do has to be perfect. I create a vision of perfection and a lot of times it becomes so big that I get overwhelmed and go nowehere with that idea. It just stays there, grand and beautiful but in my thoughts. Now I am in my forties and I have decided to take stock of my life and make some much needed changes.
Most women over their forties have completed a significant portion of their domestic responsibilties. You have been married, looked after a household, raised children, and if you are an Indian family many of you are probably living with elderly people too. Women are gifted with the ability to multitask. Blame it on blessed evolution but we can sense a lot of things before even ascribing it to a particular cause. Being blessed with such abilities (multitasking) can come with pitfalls. It may leave you feeling overwhelmed, and also doubt yourself. It is okay to doubt yourself occasionally but it is not okay if it becomes a apart of your routine.
You are great at your career but struggle with household chores. You are great at organizing social events for your family but struggle with routine chores; You are a great companion to your partner and a fantastic mother but you don’t like to conform to convention. Do these sound familiar? What happens when you are constantly plagued with self doubt? Does it make you feel inadequate? Do you always downplay your accomplishments and abilities? It’s easy to get pulled into the imposter-syndrome cycle. Many people forget that everyone was once a rookie. With more knowledge and experience, you can feel less like an imposter and be more confident in your abilities.
It’s beginnings can probably be traced to your family environment in many instances. If you were constantly ridiculed for not knowing something or your accomplishments never acknowledged you might find that some of these are the underpinnings of impostor phenomenon in the future. As you grow up this behaviour could keep snow balling into major issues unless you have found ways to overcome it. You do not have to have it all. You do not have to keep it together all the time. Society has imposed on us women to keep our act together all the time. This has been perpetuated by mindless and unrealistic expectations of a woman to fulfil everyone’s wishes.
It’s enough. Take a bow and walk free. You are your own master. Do your stuff. You’ve got this! That’s all I always needed to hear; for someone to tell me – don’t worry, you’ve got this! So say good bye to all that self doubt. Believe that you are better than you think you are. Go forth and conquer. Reach out and help another woman who could use a kind word or two.
VasantiLifeCoach 